end of the year
Saturday, December 31, 2005
and so yet another year passes
2005 comes to an end and in comes 2006
honestly i wont keep my hopes up too high
the higher ur hopes, the bigger ur dissapointment when they dont come true
2005 is the second year running where things havent been smooth sailing following the events in 2004 .
shit happens thats life
u just got to clear away the junk
school life throughout 05 wasnt enjoyable at all
seriously i thought i would have left the school by the end of 2004
day by day passed
the concecpt of having fun sort of vanished from my mind
i was more like a mindless zombie
not fun to be with
no jokes to crack
no frens to chill with
no stuff to keep u sane
yet somehow managed to keep the appearance
of the anti social kid whose content to be on sidelines
the truth is ...... i didnt want to
the truth is i was crying out loud in my deepest sub consciousness
how much more of this mental tortore would i continue to inflict on myself
before my mind gives in
i guess i have to admit even up to now
i refuse to come to terms with certain events that have happened in 2004 in particular
and here i am trying to convince myself that 2006 would be a better year
i practically blew away my last 2 years of schooling
i wasnt close to my classmates
i couldnt get close to them
no maybe i didnt make the effort to
maybe i was resentful to some of them for what they had done to me earlier in 04
i try to put things behind me......
yet it creeps up again
come to think of it
isnt it sad that if in the entire year u only speak to some of ur classmates for less than 50 sentences
yeah in come cases hardly even talk to each other
damn wounds will heal but the scar will stay
i feel as though i cant connect well with people
that i cant talk about things in a deeper level
everything talked about is at a superficial level
i guess deep down inside
i am immensely jealous
of those who have a close circle of friends who care for u in times of need
of those who have that special someone
of those who enjoyed their school days
in summary
i am just a jealous, cynical kid who doesnt want to grow up
i regret going for pre u education in general
in my mind going an alt route might have been better
anger lingers
emotional baggage
intoxicates my mind
i can feel my brain throbbing as though it wants to burst out and go on and rampage
maybe that will make me feel better
yeah sure banging on this keyboard and flipping it around might soothe my anger
everytime i think of the past few years
nothing but unpleasant memories
memories that i would wish would vanish from my mind
i wish life would be a bed of roses
but sadly it aint
look at the world out there
the rich poor gap
natural disasters
the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer
where is the fairness and equality
perhaps it is indeed true that the world isnt a fair place
i wish that 2006 will be a good year for everyone
as cynical as i am
i hope at least something good happens to me next year
i just want to be satisfied with what i haveand stop complaining so muchand stop being so revengefuland find that special someonesianz i find it hard to believe i said thatforget it i shouldnt say much moreafter all my mind is a bit unstable nowburning with angst once again
10:34:00 PM
.........
Monday, December 26, 2005
lesson learnt
never assume too much
it only makes an ass out of u and me
damn.........i assumed too much and paid a price for it
missed attending my teachers wedding
....... damn.....
mixed feeling......
on one hand angry
on the other confused
well its not the first time i got this feeling
no amount of typing can vent off this frustration
so i shall just let it be
since its past already
no point in broodng over it
well my cold is gradually healing at last , today much better than previous days
maybe later can sleep peacefully
which brings me to another point
i find it harder and harder to blog freely this days
things u want to express have to be toned down
freedom of expression?
in my opinion its going the way of the dodo
sianz
no wonder mental illness and depression are rising
hah less than 7 days to the new year
once again
the year so far has been darn rocky
life just seems to get more and more complicated every year
simplicity is increasingly obsolete
11:54:00 PM
........i cant SLEEp.........
Sunday, December 25, 2005
sianz
its 3 sumthing in the morning on xmas
i cant fall asleep for sum reason
tis freaking cold is costing me a nights rest
kaoz must have used 50+ tissue papers already
taken 4 panadol pills since yest morning.....
and tis is ticking me off
went to bed at 1140 pm
got up once at 1230am
another time at 140am
another at 215am
another at 245am
finally at 315 i give up trying to sleep
and come online
sianz
what a way to start xmas
i'm supposed to feel tired
but why isnt my body feeling tired
wats going on.............
3:24:00 AM
Merry xmas in advance
Saturday, December 24, 2005
ugh
i am not feeling well for the past 2 days
down with sore throat and a runny nose
on thursday went to watch chronicles of narnia with darren and eddie
not a bad show..... i dont read the books
but i heard it stretches 12 books
after the show went to borders cos eddie wanted to buy harry potter books
well with the straitstimes newspaper cutout got 30% discount
went to ps to have dinner
ayam pagang
yum yum
everytime i go there i get the feeling the chicken size gets smaller and smaller......
sianz but it tastes super good
no matter how mani times u eat it
yest and today just rotted aound
man the past few days i cant sleep well at nite
its like the body falls asleep but the mind is half awake
therefore when i wake up my mind still feels so tired
just 80 mins to xmas
i bet town is packed to the brim with couples all awaiting for the clock to strike 12
sighz...... i was hoping that this xmas wouldnt be lonlely
but its okiez in some aspect as i dunwan to pass my germs to others considering how mucus likes to run down my left nostril.............. annoying
come to think of it......
i dun really follow xmas traditions
exchanging presents is hardly practiced
well i seldom get presents
but its okiez lar
most things that i want arent material in nature.....
aniwaes just wanted to wish all readers whether i noe ur or not
a very happy and merry xmas
have fun opening ur presents tml
oh if u have been a good boi or good gal
maybe santa will stop by ur house
dun be suprised if ur roof shakes a bit
after all santa is weighed down with all those gifts
lolz....
10:33:00 PM
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
i have a hypothesis
that stress on ur heart can affect ur other body functions
like screwing up your bowel movements
causing minor aches at the back of your head
storing up stress is unhealthy
yes i noe that
the problem is how to release it in a controlled manner
without exploding with fury
i cant explain this feeling with words
walking down orchard road during this festive season
u c pple with their loved ones be it frens or family, couples snuggly walking holding hands
or displaying public affection
man deep down inside
i can feel
.... the jealousy
and envy
sometimes i wonder whether all this happiness is for real
heh the confessions of a cynical person
its funni
i only became more cynical of things in mid 04
heh coincidence
i think not
alritez
i havent been doing much for the past few days
just rotting at home
and doing some excercise
ever since last thursday my time spent on the comp is being cut drastically since my sis started playing world of warcraft
annoying as it seems
maybe its a good thing for me
too much time on online may not be good for me
but then i worry she will become overly addicted
christmas is coming
come to think of it
nothing special has happened during christmas season
maybe this will change this year
who noes
life is unpredicatable
its the season to be jolly
yes i wish i would be
well i can try to
on a more sobering note
the first year anniversary of 26th dec 04 is coming
hope nothing bad happens
12:25:00 AM
back in sg
Friday, December 16, 2005
returned from phuket on wed afternoon after a 2 hour delay at phuket airport, flying budget airlines is not advisable if ur legs are relatively long as the seats are more cramp than economy class, oh well the trade off is the lower air ticket cost and the flight wasn too long.
phuket was kind of nice
the beach is crowded with mostly caucasian people
very casual and laidback
relaxing is the key
the weather wasnt so nice on some days
especially with the rain on the beach......
went to a attraction called phuket fantasea
foods not bad, the show was nice, see chickens running from one end to another end of a stage is fun, the elephants performed nicely though one had to relieve itself on a stage ,dropping large pieces of " fertilisers" and filling a whole bucket with " contanimated water"
one thing that u will appreciate around thailand is the thai hospitality
hm i admire them for being optimistic and having a positiveoutlook towards life
afterall barely a year ago, phuket was hit by the tsunami
some places are still being repaired
another day went for a tour of some offshore islands whereby people will take u into caves or around the island in floating " kayaks", went inside a pitch black cave with bats hanging on the walls above u, when something drips from above , i hope it isnt bats relieving themselves.
went to see a mangrove swamp that had to be accessed by foot since it was low tide and u cant enter the enclosure by boat, lots of small crabs and mudskippers around.
went to a island beach where lots of tourists were enjoying themselves, there were lots of different companies bringing different ships to the beach with boatloads of tourists, had some fun on the island, i couldnt go swimming cos i didnt have trunks, so could only wade at the water while pulling my shorts as high as possible, in the end it still got wet . ironic isnt it go to beach and dont bring swimwear, tried a bit of kayaking using the inflated boat , er quite difficult and is definitely tiring on ur arms, it is not the standard type of kayak.
staying at patong beach means u will definitely have to bargain as this is a tourist hotspot and the locals jack up the prices. er i got a new 3/4 shorts, a mini torch which emits blue light ( i suspect its xenon), 2 shirts ...... thats about it , i saw plenty of games sold, but the prices of the psp games and psp consoles are much more expensive than in sg........ so yeah no games brought back thoug i would like to have grand theft auto liberty stories
okay so thats a rough summary of thailand
now in sg
cant say much now, off to bed , blog another time
12:51:00 AM
overseas
Saturday, December 03, 2005
heya mi now in a land bout 2700+ km away from sg
had to drag my butt out of bed at 530 to wash up and head to the airport to catch the flight at 800am
man i didnt expect the airport to be so crowded, i guess the holiday season is indeed here.
hm seems the economy class sections was fully booked, my dad managed to upgrade all the seats to business class
shiok ar
niwaes mi now at cousins house playing with the comp.
mi phone cant seem to send msges back to sg ever since switching to prepaid sim card.
i cant even check my gallery to see the photos taken
crap switching a simcard can cause so much trouble.
tml may be visiting hk disneyland to take a look
heard its much smaller than other disneylands
plus my lowerback is hurting like mad
i suspect it due to posture while playing computer games
crap now getting out of bed is tiring.
kk will post more another time
hm car check so far, 2 porches, 1 bentley and mani other modded cars
5:16:00 PM
December
Thursday, December 01, 2005
passage of time
is ever changing
it never stops
only the past remains constant
quote" I guess everyone's like this. We cling to our secrets, ourdoubts, our memories...we're never able to put them aside. Even though theyconfuse us, there are some things we can only find in that confusion. Ithink...it's okay to feel that way"
i feel this statements strikes a chord in my heart
somethings that happened will never leave ur subconsciousness be it joyful or sad times
somehow looking back seems nice when u grow older
could this be due to concept
of the age of innonence when everything was black and white
as u grow older, the grey zone increases
today sent off one of my cca mates
a scholar whose returning to his native country
was at the airport for some time
had bk kids meal
watched some planes at the gallery
went to tampines mall with a few other friends
hang around in the arcade
play some shooting games
watch chicken little
yeah even though it was a kiddy film
it is still kind of funni
good for some laughter
walked around the area, a lot of shops
a lot of people
eye candy quite plentiful
well the mall was packed
saw need for speed most wanted for the xbox and pc
as usual ps2 version no where to be seen
went to take a look at shop that sells second hand goods ( cash converter)
the goods are cheap but i doubt the condition that they are in
keyboard for 1.5 dollars
but is very dirty
bowling balls, hockey sticks, tons of cds, tvs, tents, scuba suits etc etc
that means more waiting again
oh if i didnt go out today
i would have assumed it was 31 nov
heh my fen corrected me
the concept of time is slowing erroding
hm aeon flux seems like a nice show
i wanna catch it some time
from this sat to wed wont be in sg
will be heading to hk for these 5 days
time to meet up with my relatives again
heh can spot more souped up cars, eat more , buy more mags
go sightseeing
maybe buy some games to bring back
9:47:00 PM
